Thursday, October 31, 2013

trick or treat

even though daddy j was deployed last year, his Midtour leave fell over halloween and he got to trick or treat with us. I'd have much rather had him home over Christmas or Thanksgiving (closer to his actually MIDtour, but daddy j didn't wanna leave his peeps hanging). oh well, pagan holiday FTW!

since we were in Pennsylvania, it was buttnasty cold, and there aren't exactly a plethora of walking distance neighborhoods, we drove from house to house to people we know. the year before that, we went to boo at the zoo. so, this year was really the first year that the kids had the "true" trick or treat experience.

we got everyone dressed in their costumes (daddy included who was someone from Star Trek. j called him Star Trek all night like Star Trek was a character that dad was playing or something which was pretty hilarious in and off itself)

Star Trek, Indian, Cowboy

we left the house about 630 and headed off down the street. the first house we went to we reminded the kids what to do and j said "a little bit of trick or treat!" when the lady opened the door. she seemed confused, but gave him candy anyway. when he got his candy and screamed "THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!" right in her face at decibels that were far more frightening than any decoration I've seen to date. at least he's enthusiastic about gratitude?

"a little bit of Trick or Treat"

we stopped at probably 20 houses. I had previously thought we'd only make it to about 4. obviously, j and c had a blast.
probably my favorite part of the whole night though is when j walked up behind a little girl dressed as Ariel and said "heeeeeeyyyyy girl! you look goooooooood!" the little girls mom immediately doubled over with laughter-- which is good because her other course of action could have been to punt him right in his sackful of candy.

we got back to the house, did lite "candy investigation," I felt pretty safe about the candy the kids got tonight because the average age of the candy handeroutters ranged somewhere between AARP and nursing home. We investigated it anyway for good measure and let the kids pick out 3 pieces of candy to eat tonight. they both ate their 3, except for the York peppermint patty that j took which he immediately regretted one bite in, and they also both got poprocks from our personal collection. freaking hilarious.

I saw a few slutty [insert person, thing, or animal] tonight. I know my blood is a little thin since I grew up in Mississippi and all, but I think 45 degree weather calls for a costume more substantial than slutty Popsicle stick or slutty teapot. (slutty Popsicle stick was a joke, but slutty teapot? that totally happened) I don't know at what point in time halloween morphed into the lingerie holiday, but I hereby solemnly swear that even if I lose all baby weight plus 50lbs, I will never ever wear anything resembling a secret even Victoria can't keep.

slutty teapot (not a dramatization but a reinactment). the slutty teapot I saw had on fishnets, stripper heels, and on a wing and a prayer granny underwear.

up until today, slutty Chinese takeout was the most ridiculous costume I'd ever laid eyes on.

beef lo mein, you just got served by a teapot. or something like that.

I already can't wait for next year. I have a guess about where we will be, but you never know where for sure the Army will send you. I've already started racking my brains for costume ideas. I know for sure m will be a bear of some sort for her first halloween (in keeping with Drew family traditions). now, I have 364 days to come up with costumes for force the rest of the family into to go along with hers...

Happy Halloween

Sunday, October 27, 2013

photographic evidence

remember THIS POST?

after stalking him following him into the bathroom with my camera every time he went, I finally got it!

you know what you think is happening there? it is what's happening.

peep that ridiculousness.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

daniel tiger

we are headed to another halloween event tonight. if i had to wrangle j into his cowboy costume again tonight, i was going to cry and/or not take them. who knew chaps were so friggin' difficult to get on and off?
i asked j and c what they wanted to be for this evenings festivities and i was going to wing it out of the dress-up clothes. c requested doctor. easy. j decided he needed to be daniel tiger.

we DO have a tiger costume, but it just so happens to be the costume he wore when he was 1.75 years old. (he turns 4 in december).

i told him if it still fit, he could wear it.  

i think i should have defined "fit" a little better for him. surprisingly, it's not to short in the legs or the arms LENGTH wise, but i am pretty sure he is going to lose his pickle tonight-- at the very least. but really, the whole fruit basket might go depending on how long he's in this costume. i told him repeatedly that it looked a little tight through the groin area and he insisted that it wasn't. oooooooook buddy.  

here is a picture of the tiger heading out tonight.


i hope we come home with all the same appendages that we left with. (i'm looking at you, pickle)

right now I'm in bumper to bumper traffic waiting to get in. it's slowly stealing my soul.

we did see a "reindeer" so the good news is my kids think they've already been to the zoo.

you and walmart are really jumping the gun on this Christmas stuff, guys.

off to get candy!

Friday, October 25, 2013

and today all my dreams came true...

i have always, ALWAYS, always wanted to take pictures of c in my wedding dress.  i saw it on pinterest when c was about 45 seconds old and have been hanging onto the idea ever since.  i got bored and needed a little cheering up today, so i broke out my backdrop and got to work.  c got her hair rolled for the first time and she thought she was tres elegante.  i asked her if she wanted to dress up in a pretty white dress and she said that she thought she might like to get dressed up and marry daddy.  "and then i can kiss him" she said.

here is the end result of our little mommy/daughter photoshoot:

 gah! she kills me dead. 

 i think this one is my favorite

 a girl has got to have pearls.  only wearing one set at a time is for the proletariat. 

i'd curl her hair everyday, but then i'd probably only have time to be able to wash mine once a month. 

or maybe this one is my favorite

sometimes she can't even take how cute she thinks she is... humble, this one.  

and just so you know, i definitely gave my kids a smart ones meal for breakfast and let them eat it in front of the tv because i didn't have energy to make a real meal and i wanted them to leave me alone while i ate my smart ones meal for breakfast.  between the pictures of c and the cuisine de tv, i am going to call today a wash on the +/- suck at parenting scale.  

i hope everyone has a great weekend. 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

that damn toilet

hi. my name is meagan and I'm really shitty (pun intended) at toilet training.

my son is 90% trained. my daughter oscillates between 0 and 50% depending on what kind of mood she is in.

***as I type this I hear "EVERYBODY OUT OF THE TUB AND INTO THE SHOWER! GET INTO THE SHHHHOOOOWWWWEEERRR" which could only mean one thing. we've got a floater. c said "I'm having a poopoo bath" what! and not 5 minutes later my son handed daddy j a cup full of his teetee because why not. I really cannot make this stuff up.***

and so that puts us at a 0% for c today. and for j who obviously thought it's never too early to start practicing for future Army urineanalysis. awesome.

anyway, I'm not writing about my kids' toilet training today. the above was merely an update to illustrate a point.

I've been working on potty training the kids since June. it's October (late October) and I'm still buying pull-ups, y'all.

so yesterday (and you really have no idea where this story is going even if you think you do-- hang with me), c comes into the den shouting "mossy is on the potty!"

Moscow. kitty, 1 each.

life with 2 under 3s is FULL of tattling, so we assumed that was what was going on. all day long it's "mossy is on the table!" "mossy won't let me hold him!" blah blah blah.

daddy j just happened to look into the bathroom where he saw what appeared to be our cat peeing in the potty. he said to me "I think Moscow just peed in the toilet because now he is covering his scent" which made me look and I saw him scratching at the toilet seat. suspicious but not enough evidence to confirm allegations that the cat relieved himself in the toilet. I watch enough law & order to know better.

before you ask, no. we didn't buy the special litter box that you set down in the toilet to try to teach him this. IF he indeed did pee in the toilet, he learned it all on his own.

fast forward to tonight.

we get home from picking up the van and eating supper and I hear peeing coming from the bathroom. I had forgotten all about the cat incident from last night and I come tearing down the hallway ready to praise the Hell out of whoever owned the mini firehose.

you guessed it. it was the cat. if I had not seen it and HEARD it with my own 2 eyes and ears, I would not believe it. he's looking at me like "what? you've never seen a cat pee in a toilet before?"

of all the times I didn't have my cell phone on me... I ran back to the kitchen to fetch it out of my purse and caught him scratching his scent off the bowl again.

I guess he isn't afraid of the dark or dangling his cat privates over a hole where things disappear.

so now. people. literally the ONE creature in the house who I did not potty train is potty trained. my cat. a cat. a non-human. the rest of the humans--not so much. I know what this says about me.

I've been working with j and c for 4.5 months. MONTHS. and my cat? he just goes in and starts using the potty like that's what he's always been doing his whole life.

I think God is trying to tell me something.

if you've never seen a cat go in a toilet before, well... then you must lead a normal existence. congratulations. i hope to be normal one day too. but for now I'm just going to go relish in my potty training victory that I had absolutely nothing to do with. winning.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

insomnia and nightmares fear factory

baby growing gives me insomnia.  when i am up in the middle of the night, i turn to my dear old friends facebook, google, and of course pinterest.

last night pinterest gifted me with a picture from Nightmares Fear Factory in Niagara Falls. Nightmare Fear Factory is a haunted house inside of what used to be a coffin factory.  the coffin factory part is scary enough, but add a haunted house to it-- forget about it.  apparently it's so scary that they have something called a "chicken list."  if at any time you yell "Nightmares!" someone comes and escorts you out, but you have to sign the "chicken list."  the information i found on the chicken list said that there are over 100,000 names on it.  yep, sounds about right.

anyway, the picture on pinterest led me to NFF's Flickr page (where they post every picture they take inside).  The Flickr page led to hours of laughs.

Here are some of my favorites:

do you think this is what this dad does instead of grounding his kids for punishment?

girl in front just found out she's going to meet harry styles. 

what's this ninja in his cable knit sweater fixin' to do?

i don't know which middle schoolers are going to be more horrified by this pic:  the two bros in the front holding hands or the two in the back that would rather stick their head up someone's rump than look. 
it's a toss up. 

using a kid as your shield- that's a pretty sweet move, dad. 

velociraptor defense.  classic. 

play on, playa.  looks like as perfect an opportunity for a boob grab if i have ever seen one. 

this lady just straight up quit life and went fetal position with it.  i can respect that. 

i really don't understand what the pee on a fire hydrant pose does to protect you, but these ladies love it.

justin beiber has never looked so good. 

either they're really scared or they're singing r kelly.  hard to say.

if you are wondering what they are looking at-- it's a car that appears to come crashing through a building at right at you.  the headlights are the camera flash.  

i hope this made y'all laugh as much as it made me.  :)