Saturday, December 28, 2013

i'm up. you're sleeping. what's new.

i have been asking myself this question a lot lately : "at what point do you just say eff it and turn on hgtv or an adam levine for proactiv infomercial instead of even bothering to go back to sleep?"  tonight's answer is 2.5 hours after tossing and turning.  adam levine, i can't wait to see your pimply teen years #tbt pictures for the 5th time this week.

you have stolen all my joy, 15 year old Adam Levine. 

i haven't blogged at all since we have been showing the house.  life has been crazy and keeping a house reasonably clean 24/7 is a lot harder than it looks.  especially when you are elephantesque and running around picking up after two people a 3rd your size but 3x as smart as you are.  we've had 6 showings which basically amounts to 2 per week or in other words, just enough time to really get your house good and messy before you have to clean it up again.  it's been decided that if our house doesn't sell before we leave, we will just open it up to hobos and squatters and take the tax deduction-- i mean we have to heat the damn thing anyway to keep the pipes from freezing.  if we are lucky, maybe a hobo will build a bonfire on our carpet and just burn the place down.  i'd be sad to see that fine pool table go, but by then it'll probably be covered in hotdog juice and possibly urine, so it's probably not that much of a loss.  or maybe i'll give it until the end of january before i open it up to squatters.  decisions. decisions.

as for christmas, we had a wonderful time (even if admittedly j and i were a smidge homesick). it's way more magical to watch your kids open presents from santa than it ever was to be the opener.  if the state of my den floor yesterday morning when the realtor called about a showing (to which i responded a whispered "shit") is any indication of the fun that they had on christmas day, then i'd say it was a good one.

they both got bikes this year.  they requested them after tooling around goodwill one day like peewee herman on the used ones in the store.  what's hilarious to me though, is that in the store when they were trying to escape one very red-faced, angry mommy they were riding around like evil knievel leaping over scary porcelain soulless teddy bears from the 1970s, but the minute we put them on the street in their helmets and appropriate protective gear suddenly they only know how to peddle backwards...aka brake.

i don't think she quite understands that bike means sweet, succulent freeeeeeedddom.  

the kids got lots of other things they liked a lot.  another big hit was the karaoke machine.  i actually have been considering this gift since about july, but couldn't commit unless i found a ibuprofen delivery service. oddly enough that doesn't exist.  surprisingly, the kids singing at 8000 decibels and even the disco light show coming off the front doesn't bother me in the least.  baby j is a LOUD TALKER anyway, so really karaoke j isn't that much different.  the thing that does bother me that i didn't even consider is the awful, awful squealing noise that the kids make when they get too close to the machine with the microphones.  it's like edward scissorhands' nails on a chalkboard.  j and c are completely oblivious to the noise, which either means a. i was a dog in a former life or b. they both need their hearing checked.  

they also got legos this year. i can confirm that any house that contains legos should be osha regulated.

so that's what is happening in our neck of the woods.*

(*i am sorry i stole your catch phrase al roker).

Thursday, November 21, 2013

our house

our house... which is not in the middle of our street, but rather situated nicely at the top of a little hill (great for sledding)!

please share with anyone who you think might be interested, isn't interested but lives in Colorado Springs, doesn't live in Colorado Springs but may live in Colorado Springs sometime and wants a great investment property or heck, share it with someone who might know someone. I'm ok to go all 8 degrees of Kevin bacon on this.

see? not in the middle of our street.

bedroom 1, view 1. you like dinosaurs? I'll totally leave that stuff if it'll sweeten the deal. c'mon, everyone loves a trex.

bedroom 2, view 2

bedroom 2, view 1.

bedroom 2, view 2

laundry room. where you gets your clothes so fresh and so clean, clean. I just went too far right then, huh?

master bedroom, view 1.

master bedroom, view 2

master bedroom, view 3- that door leads to the bathroom.

stand-alone shower. acoustics: great for singing. privacy toilet room aka poop closet to right.

big ole tub. big enough for a 7 month pregnant woman and 2 preschoolers to fit no problem.

double vanity. I only use half of that so basically the other half is brand new.

walk-in closet. you could totally hang up way more stuff if you didn't have a $10 goodwill chest of drawers in there to hold all your Army crap stuff.

den picture 1

den looking into kitchen. that cut out is excellent for keeping and eye on your kids/yelling at them.

another view of the den

and yet another because why not?

looking into the kitchen from the cutout.

kitchen view from eat in area

kitchen looking towards eat-in. you'll note the mini kitchen/ aka "C, GO COOK IN YOUR KITCHEN AND GET AWAY FROM THE HOT STOVE!"

kids' bathroom, view 1

kids' bathroom, view 2. "heeeeyyyy, arm! welcome to the party"

downstairs kitchenette/ in-law coffee preparing area/ popcorn popping area for movie night


you bet your pool shark backside that pool table stays with the house. see? don't you really want to buy the house now?

there are 2 more bedrooms and 1 more bathroom in the basement that I didn't take pictures of because my battery was at like .002% and why come look at the house if you get all the pictures upfront. you see, I'm a lady of mystery and intrigue.

share it! share it, please!!!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

to the future owners of our home

a friend suggested to me that we write a letter to the prospective buyers of our house. I thought it was a great idea and happily wrote one. this is what I came up with:

p.s. I do appreciate any input/feedback you may have. I want this letter to help us stand out among the crowd.

future owners,

we are the Drews. there are 4 (and a half) of us. we moved to Colorado Springs and this house in 2010 when the Army assigned us here.

we were attracted to this home initially because of the safety of the neighborhood, the layout and the proximity to a grocery store, target, and walmart. and we've grown to appreciate the closeness to several restaurants on the nights when we're just too tired to cook. some of our favorite things now about the house are the master tub/stand alone shower, closeness of our children's rooms to the master, laundry room on the main level, kitchen cut-out to den, and the pool table!

we bought this home in November 2010 from a precious elderly couple who had made the decision to move to a retirement home. when we moved in, I was 4 months pregnant with our now 2.5 year old daughter (who I delivered at St. Francis-- the hospital one street up off of powers) and our son was 11 months old.

during our time in this house, we've celebrated 2 first birthdays, 2 second birthdays, a 3rd birthday and soon a 4th, brought home a beautiful baby girl, endured a year long deployment, enjoyed 3 Christmases, "hiked" the back plain area, rocked babies for endless hours, sledded down the front lawn in winter, watched countless movies in the den, hosted tons of friends, cooked thousands of meals in the kitchen, and, of course, shared so many happy memories.

although we are sad to leave our home for the last 3 years, we are excited about our new adventures- and new addition (another daughter in early February)! it is our hope that you love the home as much as we do. we wish for you that you have many firsts here and even more happy memories than we could imagine.

thank you for taking the time to read this letter. we can't wait for you to make this house your home.

-The Drews

Thursday, November 14, 2013

pinched getting on my nerves

strange things happen to pregnant people, but extra strange things happen to people who have Michelle duggar floppy uteruses and carry 6 weeks ahead.

every pregnancy, starting around 8-9 weeks my back gets all weird and sometimes makes it where my legs won't work right.

the first time it happened this year is when we had a bunch of friends here for 4th of July. I was laying on the floor and j jumped on my legs, which sent my back to a not nice place. I pretty much screamed like the you are not a Christian crazy lady and our very sweet friends took all the kids downstairs while I got pulled up off the floor and, consequently, slung together some language that would get me the lead in any Quentin Tarantino movie.

even though I stay at home, I (up until today) had not had my back get thrown out while I was home alone with the kids.

I've been doing a lot trying to get the house ready for staging. yesterday my back really hurt me, but it wasn't until I got stuck on the toilet and daddy j had to drag/carry me to bed that it started acting up. thankfully the day was done so I went to bed, woke up, and all seemed well today.

this afternoon I moved a few Tupperwares up from the basement and that must have been the straw that broke this elephants back. I sat down on the floor with c and got stuck. completely stuck. my left leg was completely numb and my back was acting a fool.

thankfully, i was still formulating a plan for how to care for the two small children in my charge from the floor when daddy j let me know he was on his way home. I managed to kinda scoot myself on one buttcheek over to the couch to try and use it to pull myself up. no dice.

I informed j and c they had to be on their best behavior because mommy was stuck on the floor. apparently that translates in kindnese to take advantage of the situation because within 60 seconds they had pulled a chair up to the pantry and retrieved down a 2 gallon ziplock bag of candy and were in a sugary free for all. opportunist.

they were kind enough to bring me one piece or so every 6 or 7 they ate themselves. I had about 5 if that gives you any indication of the amount they ate. I appreciate their ingenuity, I didn't particularly a appreciate their sugar high, but what was I to do?

daddy j got home about 35 minutes after my initial realization that I was stuck and came and helped me right up. I figured he appreciated the fact that I was fully dressed unlike the night before with the toilet situation.

I had asked him this morning to go on his lunch break to get me a heating pad. fortuitous. after he scooped me up from the floor, I have the old heating pad a spin around the couch. thankfully it's feeling much better.

I still have 4 closets to clean out tomorrow, so I'm considering grabbing an extension cord and a belt, strapping myself and my heating pad into a rolly chair and Charlie Mike (continue mission). Apparently Colorado weather doesn't care if you only have 5 days to prep for a yard sale, the winter weather comes whenever it wants. Saturday garage sale it is.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

school pictures: j edition

one of my kids is truly a photobug.

this one:

I want to climb into the picture and kiss his face. he's a doll. gah.

j is my little pumpkin. he is just the most laid back (99% of the time) little man. he is friendly and sociable and just all around a great kid. that's not to say c isn't. there is no sweeter child on the planet than c when she is being nice. none. however, when c is in a mood (be it silly, determined, mad, or sad) you'd better saddle up to a cold one because you're gonna need a drink.

the photographer doesn't know my kids from Adam. literally. and somehow this man captured my daily life without having a clue as to who he was dealing with. I think this guy might just be a psychic or genius.

so there you have it. school pictures 2013.

I can't wait to see where m's personality fits in with these two larger than life characters.

school pictures: c edition

y'all. I cannot take it. cannot.
school pictures were last week. the photog delivered them this morning. he had them stacked with the best individual one on top, the class picture on bottom with two other individual rejects? I think.

this was c's main page:

look at that cutie and cuties...
reject one:

I love her. love her so much.
reject 2: ...wait for it...


she is so my child.

is there an awkward school photos site? if not, this needs to happen.

Monday, November 4, 2013

moms shaming moms

today at c's ballet class I witnessed mom shaming at it's worst and it's been gnawing at me ever since.

c takes a ballet class for 2 - 4 year olds. when she started she was about 2 years and 1 month old and all knees and no "listening ears." thankfully the teachers were really patient with her and helped her learn the routine inside the classroom. it only took a few lessons for her to catch on and have herself a grand old time.

similarly, c's class got a brand new 2 year old in it last week. last class was their halloween party so sweet little a (we shall call her) was only in class about 10 minutes of actual dancing and off they went to party. she did fine last week, but this week she was a little distracted. I certainly wouldn't say a was being bad, but she was wandering off from the group and kinda doing her own thing. the teacher seemed completely unshaken and would gently remind her to come on back to the group. a's mom was getting frustrated though as, obviously, everyone wants their kid to behave. she was going to the door and telling a "get back in line" and "be a good listener" but with such a tone that the underlying message was a "GET BACK IN LINE OR I'M FIXING TO TEAR YOUR BOTTOM UP!" a's mom was stressed.

there are about 6 chairs in a row outside the classroom. I was sitting on the far left, a's mom was in the middle, and ahole mom (not to be confused with a's mom) was on the far right.

ahole mom took a's moms meltdown as an opportunity to pat herself on the back but underhandedly insulting a's mom. loudly. for all to hear. ahole mom said "I'm sooooooooooo glad we waited to start e in ballet until she was 3 years old. I just feel like she could listen soooo much better because she was a little older. I'd just die of embarrassment if e was the one causing distractions in class. I'd.just.die" and then she giggled her post-nasal drip little giggle like she was the funniest person on the earth.

hold up, ahole. hoooolllddd up. first of all, you're a bitch. straight up. second of all, I'm pretty sure if it was baby baryshnikov train-ups and they were worried about distractions they wouldn't let 2 year olds in the class. there is a reason they let 2 year olds in with 3 year olds and it's certainly not to distract from your child's obvious auditions for Annie on Broadway that we all didn't know was going on during the same class where 3 year olds are hovering in corners pooping in their pants. get friggin' real. little girl a isn't disturbing, she's being a 2 year old... which incidentally could be your 3 year old just being a 3 year old next week. I may sneak e a pixie stick and some Mountain Dew before class just to ensure it is her kid so she can see what it feels like. so there.

poor a's mom was all "maybe I should have waited til she was a little older" and I said to her "this is only her second class. C was a complete spazz when she started, it takes some getting used to. she'll be great! you totally started her at the right time" in an effort to undo some of the ugly that was spewing from the nasally voiced ahole trying to make her feel bad.

I don't know if I made a difference in a's mom's feelings this morning but I am seriously still appalled at ahole's straight-up mom shaming. she wasn't even trying to hide it. she just let her bitchy all hang out. that's worse than putting glitter on a pimple. bold ahole. bold. it was obvious to anyone with half a brain (which I can neither conform or deny that ahole has) that a's mom was already having a hard time and was upset. why not kick a lady when she is down?

I don't know if you can tell but I got pretty fired up by this whole thing. I do not, can not, won't not understand why moms can't just flipping be supportive of one another. there is no reason why this lady needed to chime in with her two cents. the only purpose of her unsolicited commentary was to make a's mom feel bad. which she already did. talk about rubbing salt in a wound.

can't we moms just freaking support one another?

ahole served herself up a big ole dollop of karma today. I just pray that the target gods have a's mom wheeling around the corner right when ahole is eating the big shit sandwich she fixed herself today and scooping Madame perfect 3 year old up off the floor... you know because magically at 3 they no longer pitch fits, right? if I just so happen to be at target then too, I totally wouldn't mind and I could probably manage to have my iPhone handy for photographic evidence.

but really! can't we support one another? moms are just doing the best they can. I can say that pretty much goes across the board. if you have to be the constant winner of a competition (by putting others down intentionally) that nobody even knew they were participating in, you might need a shrink. if you think it's appropriate to say that anyone else's child's behavior would literally cause you death right in front of their mom, you might need a shrink. if you think it's funny to hurt people's feelings, you need a shrink and Jesus. but definitely get with Jesus first. he doesn't have a copay.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

weekend happenings

I started out the weekend with a sweet 4 hours of sleep on friday night. fortunately... or unfortunately? that's higher than my average sleep a night as of late. the couch is quickly becoming my best friend. my hips sink down into it and I have support for my back. it's just about the only place I can get comfortable anymore. only 3 more months of couch sleeping to go before she gets here. yay?

once i got my caffeine iv, we were up and getting dressed for the Army/Air Force game. it has been 8 years since my last forced Army game attendance and I thought I'd never see the day where I voluntarily spent my time and my money watching Army football take a big steaming dump all over the second half of the game. Yet, somehow, I found myself doing just that yesterday. I should mention that we spent the least amount of money humanly possible on our tickets and, thusly, were seated at the stadium in the Heavens. By my best approximation we were somewhere between Jesus and Mother Theresa at the right hand of the Father. I am certain we climbed at least 67,000 +\- 1000 steps to get to our seats and upon reaching the summit,
I was really hoping to see a paramedic with a supplemental oxygen tank. there were none to be found. they really dropped the ball on that one.

Mother Theresa ran to the bathroom, but I promise you she was up in the Heavens with us.

The kids were more interested in eating than they were watching the game and that suited me just fine because from where we were sitting I had a hard time differentiating between the teams uniforms and I have 20/20 vision. Somewhere between the hot dog and popcorn course of our football field meal, we decided to move down closer to our friends. I told Daddy j that if we got kicked out of the bleachers where they were, we were leaving the game as there is no way I was ascending into the Heavens again without Jesus coming directly down to Earth and offering me an escort.

The game went pretty quick until the 4th quarter when the kids were about half past naptime and Army completely forgot where they were and what they were doing. I signaled to daddy j that I was ready to roll out. the way I see it, i was forced to watch Army lose enough games when I was a cadet... at least then I didn't have to wrestle overtired little humans in addition to watching my alma mater football really embarrass themselves. again.

once we left the game,
we walked around USAFA and headed home to take a nap.

the kids woke up and we were off to ChuckECheese with some friends to celebrate J being potty trained. finally. 100%. I ain't buying diapers no more potty trained. this last leg of the fight has been roughly a month. I just so happened to be buying pull-ups (like taking them off the shelves) when j said he wanted to go to ChuckECheese. I said "oh honey, mommy can't afford to take you to ChuckECheese if she has to buy pull-ups. when mommy doesn't have to buy pull-ups anymore, you can go to ChuckECheese". that was the last pack of pull-ups I've bought for him and they sit unopened in his closet. I guess it just took me a while to figure out his currency.

we had a great time at ChuckECheese with friends. my favorite part of the night is when C hit the jackpot plus bonus on one of those silly kid gambling machines. (I really don't know what else to call it) that she kept stealing tokens to climb up on and play. the machine spit out about 300 tickets at once and c's eyes were as big as saucers. it was the best.

I don't have a problem. I can stop anytime I want.

that's it. I'm taking this kid to Vegas.

after ChuckECheese we ran to the mall to get me a new pair of boots. I have had the same boots since 2005 and had them cobbled 4 times. the last time I had it done they were beyond repair. I wore them anyway until just recently when I wore them to a pumpkin patch and came home with like 3 inches of dirt on my feet. I reluctantly retired them and finally got some new ones. what can I say? I like what I like.

heeeeeelllloooo, lover!

this morning (after 3.5 hours
of sleep) we had family pictures. there is nothing. I repeat nothing more stressful than prepping 4 people for family pictures. the outcome is always worth the trouble but the getting ready is just a straight kick in the lady bits. aside from the fact that j immediately jumped into a big dirty pile of leaves messing himself all up and c busted her lip (she kindly waited til pics were almost over), I think our friend got some good ones. I can't wait to see them and share them with you. im just glad my kids will know what I look like in pictures besides selfies and iPhone pics I snagged random non-English speaking tourists to take where at least one of us is always fuzzy. the international language isn't English or French, it's iPhone.

we're off now to visit my cousin and her husband north of Denver. the cherubs are sleeping in the backseat and life is good. I really can't remember the last time I had this good of a weekend.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

trick or treat

even though daddy j was deployed last year, his Midtour leave fell over halloween and he got to trick or treat with us. I'd have much rather had him home over Christmas or Thanksgiving (closer to his actually MIDtour, but daddy j didn't wanna leave his peeps hanging). oh well, pagan holiday FTW!

since we were in Pennsylvania, it was buttnasty cold, and there aren't exactly a plethora of walking distance neighborhoods, we drove from house to house to people we know. the year before that, we went to boo at the zoo. so, this year was really the first year that the kids had the "true" trick or treat experience.

we got everyone dressed in their costumes (daddy included who was someone from Star Trek. j called him Star Trek all night like Star Trek was a character that dad was playing or something which was pretty hilarious in and off itself)

Star Trek, Indian, Cowboy

we left the house about 630 and headed off down the street. the first house we went to we reminded the kids what to do and j said "a little bit of trick or treat!" when the lady opened the door. she seemed confused, but gave him candy anyway. when he got his candy and screamed "THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!" right in her face at decibels that were far more frightening than any decoration I've seen to date. at least he's enthusiastic about gratitude?

"a little bit of Trick or Treat"

we stopped at probably 20 houses. I had previously thought we'd only make it to about 4. obviously, j and c had a blast.
probably my favorite part of the whole night though is when j walked up behind a little girl dressed as Ariel and said "heeeeeeyyyyy girl! you look goooooooood!" the little girls mom immediately doubled over with laughter-- which is good because her other course of action could have been to punt him right in his sackful of candy.

we got back to the house, did lite "candy investigation," I felt pretty safe about the candy the kids got tonight because the average age of the candy handeroutters ranged somewhere between AARP and nursing home. We investigated it anyway for good measure and let the kids pick out 3 pieces of candy to eat tonight. they both ate their 3, except for the York peppermint patty that j took which he immediately regretted one bite in, and they also both got poprocks from our personal collection. freaking hilarious.

I saw a few slutty [insert person, thing, or animal] tonight. I know my blood is a little thin since I grew up in Mississippi and all, but I think 45 degree weather calls for a costume more substantial than slutty Popsicle stick or slutty teapot. (slutty Popsicle stick was a joke, but slutty teapot? that totally happened) I don't know at what point in time halloween morphed into the lingerie holiday, but I hereby solemnly swear that even if I lose all baby weight plus 50lbs, I will never ever wear anything resembling a secret even Victoria can't keep.

slutty teapot (not a dramatization but a reinactment). the slutty teapot I saw had on fishnets, stripper heels, and on a wing and a prayer granny underwear.

up until today, slutty Chinese takeout was the most ridiculous costume I'd ever laid eyes on.

beef lo mein, you just got served by a teapot. or something like that.

I already can't wait for next year. I have a guess about where we will be, but you never know where for sure the Army will send you. I've already started racking my brains for costume ideas. I know for sure m will be a bear of some sort for her first halloween (in keeping with Drew family traditions). now, I have 364 days to come up with costumes for force the rest of the family into to go along with hers...

Happy Halloween

Sunday, October 27, 2013

photographic evidence

remember THIS POST?

after stalking him following him into the bathroom with my camera every time he went, I finally got it!

you know what you think is happening there? it is what's happening.

peep that ridiculousness.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

daniel tiger

we are headed to another halloween event tonight. if i had to wrangle j into his cowboy costume again tonight, i was going to cry and/or not take them. who knew chaps were so friggin' difficult to get on and off?
i asked j and c what they wanted to be for this evenings festivities and i was going to wing it out of the dress-up clothes. c requested doctor. easy. j decided he needed to be daniel tiger.

we DO have a tiger costume, but it just so happens to be the costume he wore when he was 1.75 years old. (he turns 4 in december).

i told him if it still fit, he could wear it.  

i think i should have defined "fit" a little better for him. surprisingly, it's not to short in the legs or the arms LENGTH wise, but i am pretty sure he is going to lose his pickle tonight-- at the very least. but really, the whole fruit basket might go depending on how long he's in this costume. i told him repeatedly that it looked a little tight through the groin area and he insisted that it wasn't. oooooooook buddy.  

here is a picture of the tiger heading out tonight.


i hope we come home with all the same appendages that we left with. (i'm looking at you, pickle)

right now I'm in bumper to bumper traffic waiting to get in. it's slowly stealing my soul.

we did see a "reindeer" so the good news is my kids think they've already been to the zoo.

you and walmart are really jumping the gun on this Christmas stuff, guys.

off to get candy!

Friday, October 25, 2013

and today all my dreams came true...

i have always, ALWAYS, always wanted to take pictures of c in my wedding dress.  i saw it on pinterest when c was about 45 seconds old and have been hanging onto the idea ever since.  i got bored and needed a little cheering up today, so i broke out my backdrop and got to work.  c got her hair rolled for the first time and she thought she was tres elegante.  i asked her if she wanted to dress up in a pretty white dress and she said that she thought she might like to get dressed up and marry daddy.  "and then i can kiss him" she said.

here is the end result of our little mommy/daughter photoshoot:

 gah! she kills me dead. 

 i think this one is my favorite

 a girl has got to have pearls.  only wearing one set at a time is for the proletariat. 

i'd curl her hair everyday, but then i'd probably only have time to be able to wash mine once a month. 

or maybe this one is my favorite

sometimes she can't even take how cute she thinks she is... humble, this one.  

and just so you know, i definitely gave my kids a smart ones meal for breakfast and let them eat it in front of the tv because i didn't have energy to make a real meal and i wanted them to leave me alone while i ate my smart ones meal for breakfast.  between the pictures of c and the cuisine de tv, i am going to call today a wash on the +/- suck at parenting scale.  

i hope everyone has a great weekend.